Hammer (Reapers Rejects MC Book 18) Read online

  “Yeah, haven’t called church yet, though. I was gonna go over it all when we were altogether, but I’ll tell you we traced some shit back to Canada. We don’t have many allies up there, so I called Boss and she’s speaking to Cowboy to see if he ever heard the name around.” Cowboy is Boss’ ol’ man, and he used to be the Prez of Calgary, but they’re in the process of moving their second clubhouse to Boston.

  “Hopefully, she calls you back with some sort of answer.”

  “Yeah, I’m hopeful she will, but I don’t have a good feelin’. Whoever this is . . . I think they wanted people to think the General was in charge. You know what I mean?”

  I nod, understanding exactly what he’s sayin’. “It’s smart to do what they did.”

  “I was thinkin’ the same thing,” Zane admits, lookin’ at me for a second before Inc walks in the front door of the clubhouse. He looks right at Zane and his eyes don’t waver. “I gotta go get my dick sucked, but I’ll keep you in the loop. Just don’t say shit to anyone yet.”

  “Alright,” I reply back as I rise, heading toward the kitchen.

  Shiloh’s in there and Sydney’s helping her clean, and as they’re laughing, smiling with one another, I come to realize these two must have a pretty special bond. Sydney’s mom was really close with Shiloh, so I bet she’s got some good stories for this young lady. A young lady who’ll be graduating from high school in no time.

  Fuck, it feels so weird. Dex and Sydney have grown up in the blink of an eye. It’s what it feels like, at least, and everyone else is havin’ kids. I remember when Noelle was a newborn, and while I might not have been in the club, I saw her cartin’ that baby around town. Now she’s what, nine or ten years old?

  Time flies by. As a kid, I remember bein’ in school it felt like a million years, but it goes so quick. “I need to go. I told Jordyn and Nova I’d help them with their statistics homework tonight. I’ll see you around, though, and it was nice chatting with you.” Sydney tells Shiloh as she turns around and sees me. “Oh, hey Hammer. How’s your dad?”

  “He’s hangin’ in there. Thanks for askin’, sweetheart.”

  Sydney shoots me a sweet smile before she passes me and I clear my throat. My conversation with Zane brought up a good point and it’s not like I can just not bring it up. I’ll be leaving soon, and I need to talk to her about it. I need to see where we’re headed and somehow convince her to come with me if she doesn’t want to go.

  I go to the fridge and pull out a beer for me and a Smirnoff screwdriver for Shiloh. She glances down at what I have in my hand and her tight-lipped expression turns into a full-on grin. “I’m shocked you know what I like.”

  “I know exactly what you like,” I tease her, motioning with my head for her to follow me. She comes up beside me and I open the bottles for us, handing her fruity concoction over to her.

  We head out onto the back porch just as the sun starts to set. This view, shit, it’s what I’m gonna miss.

  “What’re you thinking?” Shiloh asks me in a soft voice.

  I glance at her for a second before looking out onto the property. “Just how much I’m gonna miss this once I get to Los Angeles.” I leave it at that, wonderin’ if she’s gonna say anything to me about it. If she’ll ask me when I’m leaving if she’ll ask when we’re going, anythin’.

  “It’ll be a lot different. The Satan’s Raiders club is in the heart of the city, right?”

  “Yeah, they are,” I reply, keepin’ my eyes focused on the mixture of purple, red, orange, and pink on the horizon.

  “I think . . . I think our lives are going to be a lot different when we leave,” Shiloh stutters at first and it takes me a few moments to process what she’s said. I simply look at her and realize I didn’t imagine what she said.

  She fully intends on coming to Los Angeles with me, and right about now, I don’t think I could be happier.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Doubts kill more dreams than failure ever will

  ~ Suzy Kassem

  Shiloh

  Hammer’s staring at me like he’s trying to figure out if I was serious or not as if he can’t believe I’d actually go with him.

  He nods his head once and smiles brightly, “Yeah, our lives are gonna change quite a bit.” The way he’s looking at me right now is so beautiful. It’s like his eyes are an extension of his smile, the happiness of what I said brought him.

  I take a sip of my screwdriver, allowing the tangy and tart mixture to float over my tongue. God, these are so good. They’re the reason I can down an entire six-pack and get drunk off my ass.

  Hammer takes my free hand and squeezes it. “Thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me for anything. I wasn’t going to let you go alone. Haven’t we established we’re in this for the long haul?” Hammer’s eyes widen at my admission because I know I haven’t actually vocalized my feelings this strongly.

  His smile grows even more and he takes a step closer to me, “Shiloh, you’re a one-of-a-kind type of woman.”

  “Thank you?” I think he’s complimenting me, but I’ve never had anything like this said to me before.

  He cackles and grabs me by the back of the neck, pulling me to him. It’s so sudden I drop my bottle and it crashes on the wood below us. He smirks like the devil as his lips crash down onto mine, kissing me like it’s the last time we’ll ever touch. I meet his intensity with my own and breathe him in, ready for wherever this is going.

  Our kiss is wet and sloppy. His lips run over mine, saliva coating my lips. His tongue pushes into my mouth and collides with mine. I moan into his touch and from the corner of my eye, I see him placing his drink down on the railing. He brings his hand up to my throat and grabs it, which only eggs me on.

  My breath gets caught in my throat and my hands grow sweaty, though this is a different type of nervousness than when I met his parents. I’m excited but nervous as to what he’s going to do. While Hammer and I have known each other for years, this physical relationship is so new between us.

  We stand here with hands wrapped up in each other for minutes, kissing like two love-struck teenagers unable to stop. I don’t know what comes over me, but I tear my lips away from his and catch my breath. He licks his lips and smirks in a sinister manner, making me realize he’s thinking about the things he’ll do to my body. I gnaw on my bottom lip and he loses all control, takes me by the neck and backs me up into the railing. His eyes search mine, almost like he thinks I’m going to say no, but I won’t. I trust him more than I have with anyone else.

  “Why aren’t you afraid of me, Shiloh?” His question catches me off guard. Given what he’s learned about me recently, I’m sure he’s worried he’ll scare me off.

  Staring deep into his eyes, I’m as honest as I can be. “Because I don’t have anything to fear,” I wrap my arms around his neck and stand up, trying to get to his lips.

  He places his forehead against mine and breathes heavily. “You’re too perfect, too fuckin’ perfect.”

  “If you ask me, we’re what’s perfect,” I murmur, looking up into his eyes. I don’t know what it is about him, but his eyes get me so hot. The way I can literally see what he’s thinking, whether he’s angry or happy. With one look, I can sense his genuineness or sincerity.

  “Fuck, I need you, right now. I’m not gonna make it upstairs with you,” he growls, causing my center to flame up like it’s been set on fire.

  He brings his lips back down onto mine and we paw at each other like two crazy people. He slides his arms under my thighs and picks me up, putting me on the railing. Hammer’s quick to shimmy my skirt up and rips my panties, so he has access.

  Meanwhile, I’m pawing at his jeans, unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning him. He swats my hands away and unzips his pants, pulling his cock free, but before he dives deep into my pussy, he brings his hand between my legs. In one swift movement, he shoves three fingers inside and I moan loudly. “Fuck, one of these days, I’m gonna slurp up all your jui
ces,” he breathlessly tells me, breaking our kiss. God, I’d kill to know what it would feel like to have his tongue on my clit. He’s an amazing kisser, but I’m sure it’s nothing compared to the way he’d kiss my kitty.

  Hammer rips his fingers from my pussy and shoves them in his mouth, licking them like someone would lick frosting off their finger. He brings his lips back down onto mine and I taste my sweetness on his tongue. It only heats me up even more, and then he’s shoving himself inside me as he kisses me.

  My pussy’s already primed and ready for him, aching for his cock to please me in the ways I’ve been dreaming about. He grinds his cock deep inside me, and even though he’s got a massive dick, I don’t mind the way it slams against my cervix every time he slides into me.

  He grabs onto my leg and hikes it up more, giving himself deeper access, but I swear if he keeps driving his cock into me like this, I’m going to break in half. Don’t get me wrong, it’s phenomenal, but fuck.

  Hammer starts pulling his cock out and slowly sliding it inside me, arching his hips just a tad and volts of electricity shoot through my body. He’s rubbing against my G-spot again and I’m moments from release.

  He pulls his lips away from mine and looks directly into my eyes, “I wanna coat your pussy with my seed. I wanna fuckin’ watch it drip out of you and then I wanna make you come in my mouth. Fuck, now I gotta taste and I don’t wanna stop.”

  At his words, my body immediately reacts and I throw my head back while digging my nails into his flesh. I bite on my lip, remembering we’re at the club and I don’t want any sort of audience, but hell, we could already have one for that matter.

  “Fuckin’ hell, Shi. This pussy of yours is perfect, fuckin’ perfect!” Hammer hisses as his own release rushes through him.

  Goddammit. It’s moments like these where I wish we made our feelings known beforehand. Imagine all the amazing sex I could’ve been having.

  At least I won’t have any shortage of it now, and I think it’s safe to say I’ll never need to charge my battery-operated boyfriend ever again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I don’t need magic. I need your arms around me at 3:29 in the morning when the dark is too much. I need you to be real when nothing else is.

  ~ A. R. Asher

  Shiloh

  Hot and heavy breaths on my neck as his hand’s wrapped around my mouth. Tears seep from my eyes, but after a while, they’ll stop. They always do. I’m fifteen and this isn’t the first time, nor will it be the last. Even now, I know it to be true. I know I’m condemned to this life until I’m at least eighteen, but how am I supposed to make it that long? How am I supposed to keep coming home every day when the monster lives in my house?

  My groin area burns and I let out a whimper, but he doesn’t care. “Shut the fuck up, or I’ll tell your mother everything you’ve done,” he hisses out with a cold voice. He’s told me what he’ll do, how he’d say I came onto him, how he’d tell her I wouldn’t leave him alone and I threatened to tell my mom he was raping me when he wasn’t. How he was scared and didn’t know what to do. He came up with the most fucked up excuse and twisted it to suit his needs, but knowing my mother, whichever story he came up with, she’d believe.

  She’s never taken me seriously, not once. Not when my uncle Chris tried to help me, not when teachers said I was withdrawn. Not once. Never has she asked me if I’m okay. She might even know about what he’s doing right now. The only way I can ever survive this is by thinking about something else, whether it’s school, or sports, or my cat. I can’t think about the things he does to me.

  He digs his nails into my hips and I whimper, but I shouldn’t have made a sound. My stepfather is quick to pull his fist back and knock it into the side of my jaw. I’m sure it’ll leave a bruise, but he’ll tell my mom a soccer ball hit me in the face. He’s the one who drives me to my practices, so it would make sense. My brother’s at football practice and my half-siblings are already at home with the babysitter. None of them know what’s happening to me. They probably don’t even have a clue.

  “You stupid bitch, you learn to take what I give you,” he snarls as he slams his cock in and out of me like I’m one of those blow-up sex dolls I’ve heard Brody’s friends talk about.

  He grabs me by the back of the head and shoves my head onto the floor of our family minivan. Hints of cleat sweat and the stench of old chicken nuggets hit my nostrils. He holds me down with one hand and his fingers dig into my hip even further.

  I try not to cry out, but his nails burn. They burn so badly and I can’t help when a cry passes my lips.

  “Fuck!” he snarls, yanking his dick from me. “I fucking told you to keep your ass quiet. Haven’t I?! As a matter of fact, maybe I need to show you what happens if you don’t.” I don’t know what he means by his words, though the moment he rams himself into my other hole, I know all too well. I even know not to make a sound, or he’ll make it hurt worse than it already does.

  Tears fill my eyes as he shoves himself in and out of me and I stare at the interior of the van, praying this will all be over soon enough. It won’t. It never is.

  I jolt awake and rush out of bed, sweat covering my face. As a matter of fact, it’s covering my entire body.

  “Shi, you okay, baby?” Hammer questions me in a soothing voice. I’m sure he’s trying to find me in bed, but I’m not there. He flips on the switch on the light next to his bed and finds me standing up. I wore one of his old jerseys to bed last night after we had lots, and I mean lots of lovemaking.

  He’s quick to rise from the bed and comes straight up to me. “What’s goin’ on? You’re glistenin’ and not in a good way.”

  “I . . . I’m s-sorry, I h-had a d-dream,” I stammer my words out and close my eyes after I finish speaking, not wanting to know what he’s going to look at me like. If he’ll pity me or not, I don’t want to know. I don’t want his pity. I don’t want him to see me like this. It’s been so long since I’ve had a nightmare but seeing my stepfather again must’ve caused my PTSD to come to the forefront of my mind. I’m so angry. I worked incredibly hard to conquer my demons, and now they’re coming back bigger and badder than ever.

  “Okay, okay, I’m gonna grab your hand,” he tells me as he takes my hand and I open my eyes. He walks me over to the armchair next to his bed. He lowers me down and makes me take a seat while he goes into his bathroom. When he comes out, he has a wet washcloth in his hand and dabs it against my face, over the back of my neck, and under my chin. “Just breathe, alright? You’re safe. I promise you, even though you might not feel like it right now, you are okay.”

  What amazes me is the fact my therapist told me to do exactly what he’s doing, distracting the body with something else, whether it’s listening to music or pressing a cold towel against the skin. There are plenty of options to pull someone out of this. “How do you know what to do?” I croak out my question, sounding like I haven’t had an ounce of water in years. I sound damn horrible.

  “One of the guys I used to play with. He and I got a place, became roommates. We were both from small towns and didn’t want to be alone, I guess. Well, he was an ex-marine. The first night we slept in the apartment, he had a night terror, and it got to the point where it was a few times a week. He didn’t even know he was havin’ them, the guy was so out of it when he woke up, but I did my best to calm him down when he was awake. I was usually able to do so, then got him back to bed. Fuckin’ hated seein’ my friend go through that shit.” Hammer shakes his head and as he tells me the story, the pain he had for his friend must come right back too. “But what I hate more is that you have ‘em too. Just know I’m gonna be here for you, baby. You ain’t gotta be alone goin’ through them. You hear me?”

  I nod my head once and Hammer takes the wet cloth from around my neck and sets it on his bedside table. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close, kissing my forehead, and after a couple minutes of doing this, he takes me back to bed. Still, he holds me close, and one o
f the last things I remember him whispering to me is something I’ll never forget. “Whatever you need, I promise I’m always gonna be here. You won’t have to go through anything in life alone, Shiloh. I’m always going to be by your side.”

  I don’t know if he knew I heard him, but his admission to me is something that makes me love him even more. Something I never knew was even possible.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Though I saw it coming, it still hurts

  ~ Unknown

  Hammer

  Nothing prepares you for this, for losing the man who taught you how to hold a football the right way. No one helps you understand what you knew was bound to happen eventually, would come out of nowhere, and you wouldn’t have time to process the feelings of loss.

  I thought whenever I lost my parents, it would be something we saw coming for months, how we might even be able to live out our dreams before they left this place . . . but it isn’t how it happened when it came to my dad.

  I walked into the hospital this morning at a few minutes past eight to the doctor’s calling time of death. He was fine. His fever broke yesterday and the doctors were starting to look up, said if things kept going, he might even be able to come home someday soon within the next couple of weeks. They just wanted to keep him to ensure the infection didn’t come back.

  Now we’ll never get the chance to have him home ever again.

  I sit here rubbing my ma’s back, trying to console her in the best way I can, but she lost the love of her life. I don’t blame her for not being okay. How could I? If our roles were reversed, I wouldn’t be alright either.